Fury (2014)

October 21st, 2014
What makes a hero? Not murder.

What makes a hero? Not murder.

Synopsis:
Man’s inhumanity to man. (Robert Burns)
War is hell.  (William T. Sherman)
War makes monsters of us all. (George R.R. Martin)
Any of these famous quotes fit Fury perfectly.
This movie is a no holes barred, brutal take on war. What it does to people and what people do to each other. Set during the last days of WW2 in Nazi Germany, we follow the crew of Fury, an Abrahams Tank and what it means for them to be in the midst of the fighting.


Pluses:
The characters are multifaceted. The heroes are not heroes.
The writing is brilliant with the story development and clever use of back story.
Amazing acting.
Clever camera work, creating a feeling of claustrophobia.
Astounding cinematography and set design.
Use of archival footage.


Minuses:
Realistic battle scenes and post conflict imagery.
Did I mention realistic?
Use of archival footage. This left us even more broken.


Overall, this movie was brilliant. But it was as harrowing as it was brilliant.
It is not a feel good movie.
It is not a date movie.
If you want to have hope in your fellow man, avoid. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone with a generous heart.
howmanypandas.com 4
#4emotionallybrokenpandas

When an apple isn’t an apple – Brisbane City Council’s dirty little Bicycle Infrastructure Secret.

April 11th, 2014

There is so much mis-information about bicycle riding out there. Whether it’s TMR’s questionable use of language, local radio stations asking people if they are going to obey a new law, or “journalists” writing clickbait – it’s out there… buckets and buckets of it. We bicycle riders have a mantra we try and stick to – “Don’t read the comments.” Why? I find it scary what some people think. It’s all about perception, really.

Some of our infrastructure (main North-South route on the Southside) goes through storm drains - safe? Hell no

Some of our infrastructure (main North-South route on the Southside) goes through storm drains – safe? Hell no

Some motorists perceive bicycle riders to be law breakers or pushers of an elitist agenda. Some bicycle riders perceive motorists as being selfish and unaware of the impact their driving has on others and the health of a city.

What doesn’t help is the perception, helped along by the Brisbane City Council’s frequent pronouncements, that there is a network of 1,100km of bikeways in Brisbane.

Language is so important. Calling Brisbane’s mishmash of infrastructure a “bikeway network” is a perfect example of misrepresenting the truth that does a lot more harm than good.

How many times have you seen a motorist interviewed say something like “why don’t they ride in the bike lane?” or “we spent all that money on bikeways for the cyclists, so why do they ride on the road?” And you know what? When you know that there are around 6,000km of roads and 1,100km of bikeways, it’s a damned valid question.

The only problem is, is that this data is wrong (or at least counted very creatively).

A road is that bit of bitumen going outside my house, down the shops, past the school and to my office – and there’s 6,000km of it.

A bikeway, according to how the Brisbane City Council counts it, is some sort of bicycle related infrastructure (more on that later) that goes outside my house, down to the shops, past the school and to my office AND BACK AGAIN! That’s right. The Council counts BOTH SIDES of the road.

One of the 186kms of unridable bike lanes. This one is in New Farm.

One of the 186kms of unridable bike lanes. This one is in New Farm.

So there’s 550km of bikeway then, right?

Yeah, well, no.

No? I hear you ask.

No.

You see some infrastructure on the road is counted more than both directions.

Take Victoria Bridge into the CBD from South Bank for example. For motorists, it is counted once. For bicycle riders, it’s counted three times. Yes, three times. There are two bike lanes that are narrower than TMR guidelines (inbound and outbound) plus there is a shared path on the upstream side of the bridge. Three times.

So when someone says “why aren’t they riding on all that infrastructure we built for them?” the answer is, “It isn’t there.” As to what is there – well that’s a whole other problem.

The majority of people who ride these days are sports cyclists. Not all, but most. These fit, brave and oft times lycra wearing bicycle riders aren’t the ones that are being targeted to start riding. Older people, women, mothers – all are being strongly targeted to ride. Money is being spent on programs and communications to encourage them to do so. However all the research here and abroad says unless you feel safe, you won’t be a utility rider (ie just riding for short trips, taking the kids to school, nipping down to the shops, slowly riding into work etc). Saying that we have 1,100km of “dedicated” bike paths (on and off road) sounds like there’s safe infrastructure out there…. but the low numbers of women riding says that this is not so.

Aberleigh Road BAZ. You can just make our the yellow bicycle through all the repairs.

Aberleigh Road BAZ. You can just make our the yellow bicycle through all the repairs.

The Council’s own data shows that less than half of these 1,100km (419km) is off road (including informal paths). That means that most is on the road, and of that, 50% are BAZ.

What’s a BAZ? It’s a Bicycle Awareness Zone. Essentially it’s just a normal road with some orange bicycle stencils on it. That’s not infrastructure – that’s crossing your fingers.

30% are bicycle lanes (186km). Don’t get excited. There’s a reason why bicycle riders don’t ride in bicycle lanes too (and we don’t legally have to). Most are in the “door zone.” Just like a motorist would drive out from a parked car incase a door is opened, so must bicycle riders. “The width of the door and a little bit more” and that means, riding on the edge of the main lane versus in the “safety” of the bicycle lane. Further more, it’s often safer for the rider to “claim the lane” vs trying to ride on the edge of the lane.

I do believe that the Council wants to do the right thing. It makes huge financial sense to have more people (of all ages) on bicycles, where and when they can.

As it stands now though, what the Council touts as infrastructure, in almost all cases, really can’t be classed as such, when compared to the rest of the world.

We have those “dedicated bikeways” in heavy and fast moving traffic offering no protection and aggravation to motorists, we have paths that are impassable after heavy rain as much of the off road paths are on flood plains and some even traverse storm drains, paths that are so dark at night that people are afraid to ride on them, and we have planners and councillors that are car focused, even removing funded bikeways.

A strip of paint, does not safe infrastructure make. This is LaTrobe St in Paddington

A strip of paint, does not safe infrastructure make. This is LaTrobe St in Paddington

The Council needs to step up, show some political will, some foresight and make Brisbane the “New World City” it is selling itself to be. Until then, Brisbane’s “1,100km network of bikeways” receives One Panda. onepanda

Source material can be found via the CBDBUG’s site here.

DISCLOSURE: The author of HowManyPandas is a member of the CBDBUG Leadership team and is also the author of the tumblr blog surlesfleurs mentioned in the open letter to the Lord Mayor and images used here.

Queensland’s Inquiry Into Cycling – My Thoughts

December 13th, 2013
Myself, Lord Mayor of Brisbane Graham Quirk and Co-Convenor of CBDBUG Donald Campbell at the BCC's Bike Skills Lauch

Myself, Lord Mayor of Brisbane Graham Quirk and Co-Convenor of CBDBUG Donald Campbell at the BCC’s Bike Skills Launch. Skills are great, but doesn’t make up for poor infrastructure

Two weeks ago, the Transport, Housing and Local Government Committee Inquiry into Cycling Issues delivered their report, listing 68 recommendations.

 

I had some initial strong thoughts of support and opposition for various recommendations listed but really wanted to think the recommendations through and their implications for Queensland.

 

Contrary to how it was covered in the main stream media, it wasn’t just all about making the world kittens and chocolate for cyclists. People who ride bikes aren’t all “cyclists.” To most, a “cyclist” is someone who rides a road bike, travels at around 35km/h and sticks to the roads or occasionally the bike paths and generally makes a motorist’s life a PITA. Most of the people I know who ride, aren’t cyclists per se. They ride bikes. Sometimes they ride really fast on the road on ludicrously light and expensive machines, other times they fly down a rough path, jumping ditches and dodging trees, and at other times again, they trundle about more sedately, using their bicycle as a utilitarian form of transport. I know very few dedicated sports cyclists, what most would call “avid cyclists,” yet I know and ride with lots of people on bikes.

 

Rebecca who rides a bike but as you can see, isn't a "cyclist." This was taken at Style Over Speed.

Rebecca who rides a bike but as you can see, isn’t a “cyclist.” This was taken at Style Over Speed.

The media tended to focus on the “cyclists.” They obtained quotes from “cyclists.” They spoke to “cyclist” representative bodies, especially those ones that say they represent everyone but really just focus on sports cycling. What they didn’t do much of, was talk to people who ride bikes. And the thing is, the Inquiry’s findings mainly impact those who aren’t “cyclists,” and people who want to ride.

 

The larger picture in Queensland is one of sedentary behaviour. Of people driving their cars because car culture has reigned supreme here for decades – and still does. Did you know that 70% of all trips in Brisbane by car are <10km? 10km isn’t very far on a bike – and is immensely doable, even for those who aren’t “cyclists.” So the Committee did their best to address this increase in sedentary behaviour, the escalating health expenses (not to mention the huge expense of subsiding motor vehicle transport and the gaps of Brisbane’s barely coping public transport network) by making recommendations that would, on the bulk increase the numbers of people riding bikes.

 

There are many reasons people cite when asked why they don’t ride. The big one is not feeling safe, followed by lack of infrastructure, which unsurprisingly impacts how safe you feel when you ride. The vast majority of recommendations directly impact these two. The minimum one metre safe passing distance is a great start, but real infrastructure is sorely needed, and the Inquiry recognised this, even calling out substandard attempts at infrastructure.

 

Some of our infrastructure (main North-South route on the Southside) goes through storm drains - safe? Hell no

Some of our infrastructure (main North-South route on the Southside) goes through storm drains – safe? Hell no

They correctly (in my opinion) pushed for more infrastructure, everywhere! That every road (I don’t mean motorway) should be seen as a bicycling option, and that parking in a bike lane is farcical. That infrastructure should be included in developments and train stations should cater for the casual commuter. To many around the world this would sound like common sense – but this is a HUGE leap here.

 

There was much made of the relaxation of mandatory helmet laws. People who have followed me on Twitter for many years, especially after the launch of CityCycle, would know that I used to think that a helmet made you safe.

 

What makes you safe is infrastructure, enforced road rules that protect vulnerable road users, and everyone working together to make sure we all get home safely.

 

Yep - I do wear a helmet, just not all the time.

Yep – I do wear a helmet, just not all the time.

After my “smoosh and drag” last year, where my helmet was knocked off during the impact (someone went and found it back down the road and brought it to the Fire and Rescue Team), I realized that just because I should be safe, didn’t mean I was. It was a harsh reality check that questioned my values in almost everything – including mandatory helmet laws. As I slowly recovered, I stayed focused on returning to riding (on a new bike as my old one was totally destroyed while saving me from a more frightening outcome) and given my total lack of confidence in my fellow man, I refused to ride on the road. As I learnt the way to and from almost everywhere without putting rubber to bitumen other than crossing the road at pedestrian crossings, I realised just what safety theatre the helmet had become. As such, I am totally in favour of the relaxation of MHL as recommended by the Inquiry – it doesn’t mean you can’t wear one, it just means that if you’re tootling along a pavement or in a park, you won’t be fined. It comes down to perceived and actual risk.

 

I suppose my biggest disappointment with the Inquiry’s recommendations, was their avoidance of the “20 is Plenty” idea. Essentially, this limits residential and city streets to 20mph or 30km/h. This would have instantly reduced the likelihood of accidents, the severity of any accidents that occurred (the correlation between injury severity/death and speed limit is well documented), as well as making so many streets truly “bike friendly” without painting a yellow bike on them and a token share the road sign, followed by crossing fingers.

 

The legislative requirement of infrastructure funding tied into the target bicycle riding participation percentage was another big one that I think the Committee overlooked. However they did link in the amount spent on safety communication to be tied with the percentage of the population that rides (18%). The “buy” for such an amount would be huge! This can’t be a bad thing, even if it isn’t exactly what I wanted.

 

I must admit to being perplexed by the lighting requirements. All it is really doing is adding another barrier to entry and perpetuating the idea that riding a bicycle is dangerous (it’s not supposed to be). Also, the “colour” of bicycle lights are different to those of motor vehicles, and don’t work as well during the day – so I’m not sure how they would be visible at such a distance during the day.

 

The equalising of fines didn’t really bother me too much, until I thought about how that would work with children – as their parents/guardians would be held accountable for any fines. If a small child rides and inadvertently breaks a road rule, they are fined at the same rate as a motorist and the parents have to pay? I don’t have a problem with this is we are talking 16 year olds, but young kids playing on a local street? Oh, and if you think they shouldn’t be playing on a street to begin with, then you are the target of the cultural shift mentioned in the report.

 

Riding should fun, safe and awesome!

Riding should fun, safe and awesome!

Overall, I am very much in favour of nearly all of the findings made by the report. It isn’t surprising, given that most of my 34 recommendations to the Inquiry got up in their entirety or in a similar format.

 

Now the biggest question is which of the recommendations made by the Inquiry are going to become law. Already the Transport Minister has stated that some points, like the one metre minimum passing distance will go ahead. However, to truly make a difference to how Queensland moves, he needs to not just cherry pick the easy ones. Scott Emerson needs to  show true political will and foresight, and implement recommendations that may initially be seen as unpopular (eg parking in bike lanes which is illegal in both NSW and VIC) but will be regarded as creating a safer, healthier and altogether better Queensland. This is his chance to be the one who draws the line in the sand. To be the one who is remembered for what he did, not what he failed to do.

FIVEPANDAS

 

 

#fiveoutoffivecyclingpandas(even if I don’t agree with everything it is to be applauded

PS. If you want to see the best and worst that Brisbane has to offer riders, check out my photoblog.

The Power of Flowers

July 9th, 2013

As some of you may be aware, I was in a car vs cyclist incident last year.

I am now back riding (kind of), though with a slight difference, and I don’t mean the fact I can’t ride more than 5km at a time or handle hills yet. I am talking about putting flowers on my bike. And not just anywhere on my bike, on a wicker basket no less.

Once the flowers went on, the strangest thing happened. I went from being a seen as a “cyclist must get ahead of/push in front of/not give way to” to “awww how cute, a cyclist, I better slow right down/give way/leave a good metre/wave across a crossing.”

All hail the powers of the flowers.Tweede 1

Now I am riding the exact same bike as was destroyed in last year’s incident. I am wearing pretty much the same clothes as I rode in as well – the only thing that is not constant are the accoutrements on my bike. For the record, I should state that my bike is a “granny style” or Dutch sit up bike, so no one could ever confuse me for a Lycra Legend on the great white beast that she is. I had panniers on my last bike too, but not matching. My new ones are matching, but surely having matching panniers isn’t what grants me so much courtesy while riding. It has to be the basket with flowers.
I used to get more than my fair share of complements on my bike that was called “Lady.” Like her Game of Thrones namesake however, she didn’t end so well. With Tweede, my new bike, I get complements all the time. People take photos of my bike while it’s parked at cafes or in parks. It is definitely noticeable, and I think that is what is the difference.
Flowers and a basket says “oh I am just out for a ride, I don’t take this whole cycling thing seriously,” and that seems to resonate with motorists. Now of course, I have no hard stats to back this up, it is all anecdotal. I am also not riding my old route to and from work – that is still far beyond my capabilities, but even just cruising around the inner city, it feels different.
Tweede 3I was never a risk taking rider. In fact I was boringly law abiding when I compare my riding style to other riders I saw and still see. Red lights equalled stop. Stop signs equalled stop. I always wore a helmet. I didn’t weave in and out of traffic. Heck, I even did hook turns so not to slow down turning traffic. Yet all this still saw cars not give way, cut me off, yell abuse etc.
Add flowers, and I’ve only had one cut off in almost 2 months of riding. Granted I am mainly on bike paths, but in bike lanes (approximately 30% of my riding) you can still frequently be cut off. Now though… not so much. I’ve been overtaken once with a cut off (scared the bejeebus out of me) but a second time at the same intersection, a car sped up to overtake me, saw me (and the flowers) and then dropped back. While riding around New Farm and Teneriffe, cars are now much more likely to stop to let me cross (you’d be surprised how many cars blow through zebra crossings while you are pushing your bike across it). These days though, more often than not, it is a stop with a smile and wave.

 

Now having a noticeable bike that grants you nice manners from motorists is pointless though if they don’t look. All the hi-vis in the world can’t make someone see you. Putting more flowers on my bike won’t magically make me appear to drivers who don’t check for bicycles or just drive on “auto pilot” – and that is the real challenge. Not just for me, but for everyone. Drivers, passengers, cyclists, motorbike riders, pedestrians, everyone.
Flowers are great, but an educated public is better.

Tweede 2

Broadchurch (Season 1)

July 8th, 2013
Yeah, I know I look like shit. I'm still your boss!

Yeah, I know I look like shit. I’m still your boss!

This was originally created as a stand alone series, however it has now been renewed for a second season.

Broadchurch tells the story of the death of a youth in a small beachside town and its impact on the community and the police is an emotionally exhausting yet totally engaging journey. Tennant (DI Hardy) moves to this small town with no real crime after a terrible murder case. Infact the first crime we see him investigate is a perfect entrée into the community. Colman (DS Miller) is the local police woman who has to manage this terrible murder of her friend’s son, while still remaining professional officer – hard to do when you know the victim AND every possible suspect and have for years.

Pros:
Brilliantly written.
Minor characters are so well developed with strong arcs of their own.
The child actors are not your typical can’t act for anything child actors.
The killer is revealed in a way that is heartbreaking.
The depth of the main characters is extraordinary.

 Minuses:
I had a headache from crying so much after the conclusion.
I didn’t pick who the murderer was till a particular conversation between two characters about an unrelated matter – then I knew – but it was so close to the reveal that it barely counts.

Broadchurch was the best 8 hours of TV I had seen since Borgen. Like the fantastic NordicNoir, a lot of what is said is actually, unsaid. The ability to build and then deflect tension is outstanding while never losing empathy for any of the characters. Even when the murderer was caught, my heart was still breaking.

FIVEPANDAS

#Fivecrimesolvingpandas

Review – Star Trek – Into Darkness (2013)

May 9th, 2013
Was I the only one to see a Star Wars image in this shot?

Was I the only one to see a Star Wars image in this shot?

Synopsis
After a terrorist attack on Earth, the crew of the Enterprise form up and head off to try and catch the culprit – who is harbouring more than one game changing secret –  all while dealing with oh so much lens flare.

Pluses:
Witty banter – there was some truly great dialogue in this instalment.
Good use of supporting characters.
Spot the cameos.
Cumberbatch fighting when he was way outnumbered.
Some great wide angled shots.
Hat tips to the original series/film franchises except one (in cons).

Minuses:
One particular scene’s dialogue – I won’t give it away – and while there was the odd titter at the exchange, it was totally unnecessary.
The over complexity belying one contact point on of a piece of equipment.
Not enough Cumberbatch.
Too many male tears feeling somewhat disingenuous.
A reverse of a classic scene from the original movie franchise.
They hung so much light on one plot point resolution that I can’t imagine anyone not seeing it coming.
Vulcan hair styles are not designed for running.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable flick. I didn’t realise I was seeing the 3D version (I try and avoid them like the plague), and while there were the usual 3D designed scenes, some went past so fast as to not “get” the 3D experience.
Did anyone else think the StarFleet uniforms looks a bit like the SS just in grey and without skulls and bones on the hats?
PS. There’s nothing at the end of the credits, so if you don’t feel like sitting through them after the 3D candy ends, you won’t miss anything.

howmanypandas.com 4

 

 

 

#fourlensflaringpandas

Review – The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey (2012)

March 13th, 2013
Maybe if we eat throughout the food we can stay awake

Maybe if we eat throughout we can stay awake

To say I was excited about The Hobbit would be a complete understatement. I followed all the pre-release info with bated breath. Imagine my disappointment to not being able to go and see it the instant it opened? (I was involved in a car vs cyclist incident) So I waited and waited. Avoided reviews, opinions and stayed true. I finally saw it in late January shortly before heading back to hospital for surgery. Urgh.

Synopsis:
Nothing happens.

Positives:
Was nice to see the familiar locations and style.
So many of the cast were actors I have enjoyed for years.

Negatives:
Does Jackson need a new island or something? Cuase there is NO reason to drag this out so badly.
The writing was so untidy. Yes The Lord of the Rings was long but it moved. The Hobbit was a rollicking fast adventure story, not a long drawn out battle with Hobbit Cancer.
Was absolutely unwatchable to someone who had a shorter attention span (due to injuries).
Filled with tosh – and not the good Tosh.0 either.

I gave up after about 50 mins or so – when Bilbo was about to go snatched by the Trolls.

Nothing happened. I remember a funny piece by The Onion about how the movie was 50 mins of Bilbo deciding what to pack. Yeah, that.

If I ever break my leg again and am high on pain killers I might give it another go, but for now, I’ll just wait for the third movie, then wait for it to come to TV, then possibly go out that night.

onepanda

 

 

 

 

#OnePanda (but only because I loved LOTR so much).

Review – The Imposter (2012)

March 11th, 2013
The Imposter - Close Up

When is the truth really the truth when not even those who know can tell it.

Synopsis

This documentary with reenactments won a prize at Miami International Film Festival as well as being a Grand Jury finalist at Sundance, so I was interested in seeing it. If I had of just seen this as a fiction based on a true story, I would never have believed it. We are such odd creatures, driven by motivators others do not, cannot, possibly hope to understand.

The Imposter tells the true story, with interviews from the key players, of a young french man who pretended to be a missing American teenager in the late 90’s who had been missing for a few years. What follows raises questions you desperately want to ask but also don’t want answered. That such a fraud was able to be perpetrated at all asks still more questions, but in the end, all you are left with a feeling of profound sadness. A beautifully crafted but incredibly profound sadness.

Pluses

Fantastically edited making you reconsider your own assumptions.
Reenactments are not overdone and edited tightly with the interviews.
Real people are often far more compelling than anything fictional.
The twists and turns of truth.

Minuses

The constant disbelief, even though you know it is true, leaving with that sadness that continues to resonate.

This negative is actually a very strong reason to see the film – because of its challenge to you and how your feelings towards to participants change throughout the film.

 howmanypandas.com 4

 

 
#FourPandas

From non-cyclist to bike owner via CityCycle – a 2 year journey.

November 1st, 2012

 

00001. Numero Uno of CityCycles

Take one non-cyclist.

Add one much maligned bike share program.

Include a healthy dose of passive aggressiveness.

That’s me.

Even before CityCycle  started, I was sold. The more people dismissed it, the more I wanted to do it, to prove them wrong.

What did I know about cycling though?

I believe the technical term is: Jack.

I hadn’t cycled as part of commuting since high school (a very nasty fall due to some road works saw me keep off a bike for many, many years). I did spend a few hours on a bike on a holiday overseas a few years back, but riding in Brisbane? Forget it. Everyone knows just how dangerous it is!

Yet here I was. Committed to CityCycle to prove to people that you could use it as part of your day.

That I did.

I battled through the roll outs and the station that still hasn’t opened close to my home… I pushed through and ended up selling my car, because I rode everywhere. When I went out of the CityCycle network, well there is Translink for that. When I really needed a car, I just hired one. I would CityCycle to and from the rental agency. Too easy and oh so much cheaper than owning.

Weekend on the Coast? Don't forget the bike!

Living and working in the inner city meant that I could get away with not needing a car, with jumping on a CityCycle and getting to where I wanted to go. Free helmets saw me use the bikes even more – because on the odd occasions I didn’t have my helmet with me, I could jump on one and just ride. I mean why walk 10 minutes when you can ride it in 2? Need to get to a meeting (or a coffee) a few blocks away? Jump a CityCycle. It is just so easy.

Over the course of 2 years, I went from pavement and bike path only riding, to being a confident (and law abiding) road based cyclist.

CityCycle did exactly what it is purported to do, for me at least. It got me out of the car, saw me opt out of much public transport (or at least incorporate it for shorter distances), increased my cycling confidence, improved my fitness, and transition into a bike owner.

A few months ago, I took on a new role, located way outside the CityCycle network. When I looked at the job and the location, I didn’t worry about parking, I checked public transport (as a back up) and how it was for riding to and from work. This of course meant I would have to buy a bike. So my CityCycle journey was complete.

I currently ride to and from work daily. If it is a lovely day, I come home the long way along the river, to truly enjoy the city. I love my town and I love riding. I plan weekends around where I can cycle and explore. I have met a whole new group of people – cyclists! Who would have thought that a few years ago this would be me? I would have laughed at you for suggesting it.

 

Yep. That's me. The cyclist.

Yet here I am.

A cyclist.

Post Script:
I have been asked quite frequently since buying my bike if I will be keeping my CityCycle membership. You know what? I will be. I still think CityCycle is the best option for one way trips, or if I want to go somewhere I don’t feel confident about locking my bike up unattended for hours. For $60 a year, I truly believe it is best option out there for many people… you just have to commit to not only trying it, but sticking to it.

Getting there… Not always as simple as you think

January 11th, 2012

12 hours behind schedule but here!

As many of you know, I am on holidays. Officially clocked off and kicking back.

I travel a fair bit, more than most I guess, but a lot less than some.

The last 24 hours was “up there” for the most bizarre in my travelling experience to date.

Dive on in and see why I think we flew in breach of CASA regulations, how cancelled flights get uncancelled, and why I had a wake up call at 1.15am Brisbane time only to face two more delayed flights!

Crazy day

For those of your who follow me on twitter would know that at lunch time yesterday, I was due to fly to Nadi. My flight got delayed, and after a couple of hours with no departure time listed due to engine problems, QF391/FJ910 SYD-NAN was cancelled.

It sounds so simple, but it was far from it. It also turned out not to be true. It was eerily familiar to how my dive trip was cancelled for 24 hours.

My day started with a text book perfect flight up from MEL with Qantas (well not the breakfast – it was a breakfast burrito, and it was revolting). The CSM Christopher was just brilliant. I was chatting to him, he started chatting to me, so the other J crew talked to me too. All very friendly, much laugher, highly enjoyable. The woman sitting next to me ask, after they walked away, “Are you on TV? They are just so nice to you.” Don’t people realise that if you are polite and genuine to the crew, they are polite and genuine right back? We also had a brilliant tailwind, so landed 10 mins early.

There may have been some serious enabling going on (Ross and I before all the Tatts)

Highly conveniently, we gated right opposite the International Transfer desk, and the driver opened the doors as I came down the escalator. I went to the First Desk, got my express passes and I was through. I was contemplating buying gin (really limited selection) for my dive trip (local beer and wine included but BYO hard stuff) when Ross called. He was already upstairs with Mark. I got in no worries, even after the desk staff asked if we are on the same flight. YAY team! It was Tatts time, then I went to Payot for a massage, but they only had beauty staff available, so I got a manicure. (For the record, I did buy some gin, some No. Ten Tanqueray)

Mark and I before he skedaddled to Shanghai.

With careful fingers and slippery hands, I had brunch with Mark before his flight to HKG-PVG, then when Mark left, I was joined by Ross. I had some icecream to keep him company (I am just that nice). Much Tatts was consumed, but it was soon time to go. Or maybe not. My flight was delayed, update to follow. Update was a little worrying, engine problems, parts, maintenance staff issues – potentially ON’ed in Sydney. Nothing more Tatts can’t cure. I realised I was totally and utterly smashed when I called Ross Mark for about the 3rd time. Cheese plates were ordered and conversations were had with the table next to us.

It is SO not on time....

I must say that the personal attention I received regarding the delay and subsequent cancellation for the Service Desk in the FLounge was fantastic. Paige followed up connecting flights for me, and Michael personally came and told me before the announcement was made in the Lounge to see the service desk. I got VERY clear instructions, and knew about the cancellation before it was announced at the gate so I was right at the front of the business class queue when the announcement was made.

After about 15 minutes during which we were asked to be patient by the Menzie’s staff, people were starting to get a bit peeved. Michael had told me very clearly what was going to happen, it sounded messy (we would have to get our luggage, reprocessed back to Australia, given taxi vouchers, accommodation vouchers and rebooked). And while it was tempting to stay in the Lounge for a facial (after hearing all that I thought it would take hours), I decided that since they were not Qantas staff, I should get there and be processed I case they clocked off after this flight. Just as well I did. It went from, “We are just finding out what we need to do,” to a lone of the gate checkin staff letting out a cheer. It was now 3pm and the flight was back on!!

A big thanks to all the AFFers who answered my plea on Twitter for the Air Pacific contact number. I had a separate booking to Suva, so I quickly had to call to make sure it was linked to my coming in on the delayed plane. The girl on the phone told me the flight was cancelled, I told her I was on board, and while it would be close, I could just make the connection if they held the plane for a few minutes. She assured me there were indeed a number of people making that connection and now that the flight was back on, we would be expected.

The families boarded first, and I was the first into business class, planting my drunk self into 1A. The CSM welcomed us aboard and a cheer went up from economy. We thought we were off! Thought. Turns out 4 pax had decided to do something else when the flight was cancelled…. Like I almost did. So rather than the door closing and taking off, their luggage had to be offloaded… Another delay.

After this the most bizarre thing occurred. The airport manager for Air Pacific walked to the front of the cabin and told us his name and position and that the curtains had been closed to Economy… I must admit to being a tad worried. What was he going to say? He started by telling us what we already knew. The flight was cancelled. One engine kept sending a warning to the cockpit and they didn’t have the part to fix it before the engineers had to finish ( they were due to finish their shift at 4.30pm ). So he tells us that after the flight was cancelled, they contacted Nadi to advise of the issue and its inability to be resolved. The engineers at Nadi told the crew here the sequence to get the alert to turn off, as the engine was otherwise working. (I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of a tricked system on a packed 747, but I digress).

We (the business class passengers) were exchanging glances that pretty much said, “Why is this guy sharing this information with us?” Why soon became apparent. He told the crew that since the flight was cancelled to have a drink and eat some food. What meals did they eat? The business class meals. He told us that he had eaten a prawn cocktail with the crew, and that he stood by his decision. So what was left? Burja mix (nibbles when you get a drink) some cake and all the cheese plates. He told us he would approve any requests for reimbursement to the value of nice meal in a nice restaurant. It was disappointing, but hey, we were still going, and we had to leave ASAP so that the flight crew didn’t go over their hours. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t against the law for flight crew to work a flight under the influence of alcohol? If the drinks (discussed shortly) were made by the crew, they were well over 0.05 IMHO.

It is now 3.30pm, luggage has been offloaded, we can hear the doors shutting. Huzzah!

Captain comes on, we are waiting for a tug.

Shortly after we can hear all this noise under us in J.

After about 15 mins Captain comes on. The tug can’t connect. Engineering services are called.

It is now 4pm.

I am resigned to the fact that we are going to get deplaned.

We hear more banging and revving under the plane.

4.15pm.

We then see a tug going flat out in our direction. I have NEVER seen one of the big ones move like that.

4.30pm.

Banging and we move!

Another cheer erupts from Economy. I am now sobering up and feel a headache coming my way. We need to get airborne so I can drink it away.

We finally push back at 4.38pm (original departure time was 12.55pm so just under 4 hours late). The captain took us high, v high. Fight time was crazy fast. We made up just under 45mins!!!

Overall, it was an OK flight. The funniest part for me was asking for tonic water for my gin and tonic. I think they were pouring heavy, very heavy. When I poured in the Tonic Water, you could see the alcohol move – it was that strong!

I watched a lovely sunset over the pacific.

We land.

I get my first bag instantly (Priority Baggage rocks), I then had to wait for oversized (dive gear). Oversized comes out, no bag. I give it another 15mins. I am checking the carousel, but no more pink tagged bags are left and I see nothing that looks like my bag. So now I am at Baggage Services. My bag made it to Sydney, good start. Oh yes, it made the plane. Great. It was oversized. But it isn’t with oversized. I am given a lost baggage claim. I am in the queue now for customs when the Baggage Services guy turns up with my bag! From the look of my bag, I think it fell off the trailer (so much for the fragile tag). It was covered in dirt and a chunk of the black plastic had worn down (photos on the iPad in the room so no pic ATM). So it is now about 40minutes since we landed but I’m happy. My dive gear made it, hopefully in one piece, and I can now find a service desk.

At the service desk (just realised she didn’t give back the print out of the my electronic ticket – I needed it twice yesterday Liam, so pleased I printed it all out), I am told I can be on the first flight out… 5.30am. Umm no thanks. The staff agree to put me and all those after me on the 6.30am. I get an accommodation voucher and wait for the van from the hotel near the airport.

It shows up, but it isn’t wheelchair friendly, a Fijian gentlemen then can’t get in the van. Me, the driver, his wife and 3 japanese passengers (the first group to make it through after me to Suva) finally manage to get the man on board. We then repeat at the hotel, which is like 800m away.

We have a transfer to the airport at 5am, so would we like a wake up call at 4.15 or 4.30am? Thank God I didn’t go for the 5.30am flight. As it was I was rung at 1.15am Brisbane time, some three hours after I got to sleep.

It is 11.15pm I am checked in at the most horrendous hotel (Trans International at Nadi Airport AVOID!), but I am so hungry! I had lunch with Mark at 11am, and with no real food on board and waaaay too much champagne, gin, and baileys, I need to eat. My meal voucher was good to $26FJD so I got some grilled chicken and mineral water. Apparently I couldn’t just have a sandwhich (which was all I wanted).

Part Two

It is now 12,20am on Wednesday Jan 11th (I am supposed to be asleep in a 4 star resort on Lami Bay just outside of Suva, instead I am in a barely 2.5 star hotel) – my wake up call is 4 hours away.

After such a day of random happenstance, I need to sleep…. here is hoping there are no problems toorrow morning since I don’t have my print out of eticket anymore.

Part Three

11th Jan

Oh huzzah!

I finally got to sleep after 1am (10pm Qld time), and woke up a few minutes after 4am.
I was at the airport a few minutes after 5am, and saw that the 5.30am flight to Suva was still accepting check-ins. SCORE!!! I have flexible fares, they have inconvenienced me, I was gunning for this flight.

“We are sorry, Miss, but that flight has been delayed till 7.30am departure.”

I think, no problem, I am still going to get there before the 5.30am plane – SCORE!

“We are also sorry that the 6.30am plane has also been delayed. It will leave at 7.30am as well, we are combining the flights.”

He then tells me I have excess luggage.

We had quite a conversation, with me pulling up my international allowance, and that this ticket is indeed linked to my international booking. He calmly circled the 15kg allowance. I calmly point out I had 63kg on the way here, and under international economy rules, I have 32kg, of which I am using a little over half. In the end, he realised I was saying after I highlighted the fact that I was delayed, missed my flight and have had only a handful of hours sleep. (I choose to ignore the fact that it was indeed on a separate ticket and he was right, because I was tired, inconvenienced and I won).

So it is 5.10am (though Apple insists it is 4.10am), I have had 3 hours sleep and there is no lounge. I settle in for the 2 or so hour wait.

Interestingly, the Fijian gentleman (disabled) and his daughter were given breakfast vouchers, but no one else was from our merry band received them. The disabled gentleman was quite upset about it and wanted to go tell them whatfor. I just said I was so tired, I didn’t think I could eat without throwing up. I was so tired my eyes were watering and I just wanted to die (I didn’t sleep very well the night before I flew out, only 4 hours, and again 4-5 hours at the Holiday Inn at Melbourne Airport).

22 minutes - we go up, get some water, collect bottle, we go down.

Finally we are called, I am screened and we board the cutest little ATR that ever was for our 22minute flight to Suva.

We land, and wait for the luggage.

Only my dive gear turned up.

I look around and see one of the three Japanese still waiting for his bags and 2 Fijians.

The ground crew go back to the plane and unpack the tail luggage section. SUCCESS!

Both my bags have made it through 4 flights, 2 close calls of going missing but they, and I are here, all be it late.

I jump a taxi and make it to the hotel 12 hours behind schedule.

I don’t ask for an upgrade, I didn’t care. I have the second best room available anyway. Fully refurbed, wonderfully cool even without the AC, brekky, unlimited wireless and broadband. I need for nothing, just sleep and food (and gin).

My room over looks the pool and the beautiful bay with its sailboats and islands with low hanging trees. You can see a panorama of it by clicking this link.

May I please have a perfect view with my breakfast? Oh tar!

The order of business today is as follow:
Finish breakfast.
Nap or swim (whichever comes first once I finish breakfast).
Swim then nap.
Stroll to the local store and buy some balcony snacks and some Fanta and Coke so I can make a Spezi.
Nap then swim.
Drink in the bar.
Balcony drinks.
Swim.
Sleep.

But for now, breakfast is over and hopefully an internet password awaits me.

Pillow… zzzzzz

Part Four.

Fresh out of the pool.

I spent the day napping, swimming and lying by the pool. Glorious.

I am two cocktails into the lobby bar’s cocktail list. I was happily surprised that all the cocktails had gin in them… Turns out it is a Gin Lounge!

I better eat soon or it could get messy. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.

I have ordered and sunset just got amazing. Final pic….

Gin Cocktails and Sunset. Perfect.

 

 

PS More photos to come when I get myself organised.

Overall rating – trip to Suva if you take out catching up with great people with lovely food and champas, it would rate a #oneandahalfpandas

PPS. You can be damned sure I am writing one hell of a complaint letter to Air Pacific and copying to Qantas.