Posts Tagged ‘oneandahalfpandas’

Review – Stonehenge Apocalypse (2010)

Monday, April 4th, 2011

Look out! It is a Stonehenge Apocalypse!

During an Egyptian style tomb excavation, Stonehenge is “turned on,” and commences a count down to destroy the world as we know it. Only a radical fringe scientist can save the world from the real scientists stuck in their ways before more people, and the world is keeeled.

Seeing Stonehenge move was awesome.
The story was so bad it was hysterical.
Spot the Stargate franchise cast.
Oh it is an angel trying to save the world.

OMG the dialogue.
The lack of background cast. The SWAT assault is exactly what I am talking about here.
The special effects.
The military decision making.

This movie was recommended to me as a bad, oh so bad movie, and didn’t disappoint. It was atrocious. Awesomely atrocious.


Review – Smallville – Fortune (S09Ep15)

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Seriously dude. I had to dress as a Vegas Dancer and you still make me take my shirt off?

This week:
The gang decide to have a joint bachelor and bachelorette party. After some champagne to start them off, they wake up with no idea what happened, a la The Hangover.

Chloe + Oliver scene at the end.
The lucky monkey.

Where to start.
Not even close to an original idea.
Tess and Emile?
Emile as the new Elvis?
Seriously, Justin Hartly needs a new agent.
Been a while since Lois dressed stupidly, I guess we were due.

I freely admit I detested The Hangover, so this was never going to be an episode I liked. I felt it down played the relationships that were built up over the past few years, and did nothing to move the story forward. Where is Lionel? Where is Darkside?


Review – Outcasts – Episode 2 (S01Ep02)

Friday, February 11th, 2011

I know I suggested we get high and listen to vinyl, but not sure how you took that to mean stab a guy to death.

This week:
The survivors of the transport arrive on Carpathia. Fall out from Hoban’s death. Fleur has her illusions shattered. The truth beyond the wire is revealed. Berger creates some waves.

Tate’s secret wasn’t as bad as I thought but still has impact. Personally I thought my idea would have been much stronger.
The lure of power and politics.
Character development of Cass.
Humanity is still flawed.

You have to be kidding right? Survivors  just stroll on in, interact with people then get checked out?
I am going to a new planet on the first ship so I take my weight quota in albums and turntables?
Berger way too over done.
A baby now?

After the promise of the first episode, this one really lacked traction for me. There wasn’t that sense of suspense we had in the first with Hoban and the Transporter. Of course the stars would be fine. Maybe this was a ground work episode to set us up for the rest of the series. The problems in the storyline really distracted me – fingers crossed things pick up next week.


Review – Mr. Sunshine – Pilot (S01Ep01)

Thursday, February 10th, 2011

What is this magical device that sends me messages?

Matt Perry is Ben Donovan, the Operations Manager of a large stadium. The show follows the day to day trials, tribulations, antics and interpersonal relationships of the staff with weekly shows/events.

This week:
Ben turns 40’s and realises he doesn’t want to be alone. The ice hockey surface won’t melt and he has a circus to set up. An elephant is missing. Crystal’s son turns up. Alice decides she wants a real relationship and clowns with axes.

Stellar cast.

The writing felt really forced.
Dialogue lacked flow.
Editing was clunky.
Jokes insanely telegraphed.
Set pieces were way over the top. I don’t mind suspending realism for a pay off, but there was no pay off.
How can a cast this good be in something so bad?
Matt Perry has a turkey neck and stupid hair.
How can you do this to Allison Janney???

Seriously, anything with Allison Janney in it is going to get a good looksie from me. Add in Andrea Anders (Better Off Ted) and I am definitely going to watch. Throw in Jorge Garcia for good measure and you have a sure fire hit, right? Nope.


Review – Vapiano – Brisbane CBD

Monday, February 7th, 2011

Inviting but don't be fooled. Food is as bland as those pine boards. (Thanks to the lovely people at for the pic - check them out)

I went in with an open mind, but I left with the book closed.

Located in Albert Lane, this restaurant sees a lot of traffic for its fast Italian menu. People talk about it for its unique price point management system, but that has been done to death and wasn’t the reason we finally made it to Vapiano’s. I had conflicting reports on this place, from loving it more than Vespa Pizza to thinking it was like eating at an aeroport.

I ordered the Verdure Pizza (roasted vegetables) and found it lacking. I was very hungry – as we hit Vapiano after the evening movie – so it was after 9pm before we arrived – but in this case, hunger wasn’t sauce enough to get this pizza over the line. Yes the food was fast, but it was nothing special. I didn’t want a meal that was cooked so fast that none of the flavour had a chance to infuse into the food. In fact the zucchini was still hard in places. My friends ordered pasta and while they both ate everything, neither thought it was outstanding. In fact one suggested that the Carbonara she gets from the hole in the wall place near her work was far superior.

Today I had a heap of reading to do, and I really wanted good quality tea to go with the experience – I didn’t bring any with me (foolishly). I had initially planned on the Tea Centre in Albert Lane, but it was very stuffy, even if the fans going. As I left I spied T2 canisters at Vapiano. Even though I had thought never to go there again, I really wanted good quality tea.

Even though there are T2 canisters on display, the tea was Madura. I have nothing against Madura tea, in fact I drink it regularly due to its reduced caffeine count, but if you are suggesting you are serving T2 tea (which is very high quality) but actually serve up a supermarket tea, I am going to have issues with you. When I asked why my tea wasn’t T2 yet in T2 canisters, the bar tender (my guess would be international student) grabbed the canister and disappeared out of sight. He came back with a large pot with actual T2 teabags in it, but obviously this was not the original plan. So heads up if you do go here and order tea.

To me, the tea sums up everything that I felt about Vapiano’s from my previous visit. It tries to be this super fresh and yummy medium to high quality (by the prices) restaurant. But it is really just low end food. Mutton dressed up as lamb.

Convenient location in Albert Lane.
Easy to split the bill.
Food comes fast, very fast.
Lollies when you pay your bill.

Food quality way below the price point.
Food taste way below the price point.
Misrepresentation of product.

I would recommend skipping Vapiano’s. There are far better options in the same or lower price point a short walk away. Even with jumping a taxi to China Town the meals will still be cheaper and better – I recommend Super Bowl.

UPDATE: I met a friend in the city yesterday and we headed to Vapiano because it was just easier. We had the prawn and chilli pasta and the ham and mushroom pizza. SO much better than my last two trips there. Still not great, but average. #twoandahalfupdatedpandas

UPDATE 2: Another friend I went after my last average but doable experience. This time it was back to woeful.  #onepanda


Vapiano on Urbanspoon
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Review – Secret Diary of a Call Girl – (S04Ep01) Season Return

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

Look how perfectly my hair falls. That is why I am expensive!

This week:
Belle/Hannah is back from her three week sex sojourn with the millionaire and moves into her new home. Ben is still in her mind, and is demanding attention. Things don’t go to plan when Stephanie gets arrested, and Belle gets intimate with the law.

Ben still looks good.
The house is divine! I can’t wait to see everything unpacked.

Felt very flat. Remember how disappointing the last season was? On par.
Where is Bambi?
Only one client.
Didn’t laugh once.
Has Billie Pipper gone overboard on the collagen or something?
Styling wasn’t as good as usual.

I was really hoping that this season would be a return to form, but it has lost it cheekiness. Belle’s to camera work is dull and doesn’t show much of that private insight it did in the first two seasons. Here is hoping it really picks up. After a woeful season three and a poor start to season four, you are on notice already SDOACC.


Review – X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

Ok, I know the movie is going to suck, but I am going to be awesome in it. Are we good?

Through a lot of revisionist history we follow Logan Creed as he becomes the Wolverine. Along the way we run into some of our favourite X-Men as they “originate” or come into their own. Also along the way, Wolverine takes his clothes off a lot and yells into the air. Things end but they are really only the beginning.

Taylor Kitsch‘s Gambit.
Into credits.
Ummm, that is about it.
Oh, no yellow spandex.

Such a rewrite!
The Blob’s prosthetics.
Action figures act better.
Really? That island and that is why it did what it did? Oh please.
Did you really have to prance around nekkid Hugh Jackman – you are no Viggo Mortensen fighting nekkid.
How much plastic surgery has Patrick Stewart had?
I am sighing just thinking about this movie.

Why did they have to go and do a complete balls up? I mean, when I heard this was bad, I thought, oh just fan boys having a whinge, but it was bad on so many levels. I did learn though that you should never go into a building with Hugh Jackman as it will blow up. Life lesson complete.


PS. Sorry I can’t give anything Marvel less than #oneandahalfpandas, my heart just won’t let me.

Review – Shrek Forever After

Monday, November 29th, 2010

Bloated and unfunny - the cat or the movie or both?

The movie that should never have been made.

Shrek, feeling the strains of fatherhood wants his own life back and gets conned by Rumpelstiltskin. He then spends the rest of the movie trying to get his old life back. When he does, he realises how blessed he was all along.

Excuse me while I am noisily sick into this conveniently located barf bag.

Donkey was still amusing.

Fiona is happier not empowered.
The quality of the animation.
The script.
The story.
Oh god, everything else.

I must admit I only kept watching for Donkey. He is my favourite character from the franchise after all. After the dismal showing of Shrek 4 I decided to dig out Shrek on my iTunes drive and watch it again. The first thing that struck me was the attention to detail and the crispness of the animation – something that was surely lacking in this forth instalment. I guess all the cash was spent on getting the stars to sign back on to such a woeful script. Actually it was beyond woeful. All the charm of the original was gone – not that I was that surprised considering how bad the third one was.


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Review – Somewhere – Australian Premier – #BIFF

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Not off to the Golden Pandas, that is for sure

It must be so hard to get paid stupid amounts of money to do something as pivotal to human society as act in movies.
I went along having heard that this Sophia Copola movie didn’t suck like her last one.

For just under 2 hours we were given a bird’s eye view of the tortured and lonely life of a mega star.
Boo Frickin Hoo.

Whereas Lost in Translation saw us have empathy for the players, heart conflicted, Somewhere just left me with a feeling of tired ambivelence – or maybe two feelings – tired and ambivelence. Yes, he no longer knows why he does this. He no longer sees the relevance in his life. Welcome to reality – well a pole dancing twins version of reality. The dialouge was minimal and did little to encourage a sense of engagement from the audience.

Elle Fanning’s Chloe – some great acting (though her iceskating was more like 3 months than 3 years).

The rest.

I didn’t think I disliked it as much as I did untill I sat down to really think about what I loved about the movie. Breaking things into pro’s and con’s reveals just how little I felt in this movie. There were a couple of cute moments (Guitar Hero), but they were few and far between. The imagery felt so staged and the final scene has been done to death. I wanted to check the time, but the guy from Universal was standing near me and had informed us we would be escorted from the cinema if we used our phones/devices during the movie (which wasn’t advertised as such FYI). I can’t believe this won the Golden Lion.

PS. It should be noted that I was pretty tired but I was super energised and upbeat when I walked in after just seeing The Red Chapel.

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Review – New Farm Deli and Cafe

Sunday, November 7th, 2010

Merenda + Scrambled Eggs = Disappointed

I arrived bright and early. I had planned to visit a different cafe for breakfast w friends, but circumstances meant that we were  now at this popular New Farm hangout. Given the large numbers of locals I always see congregating there, I thought, incorrectly it turned out, that this would be a good alternative to our original choice.

Let’s start with the  service. There was none. No “hi” as you walk in, no “how are you?” When my food arrived, the girl just dropped it and walked off. I had to call after her for some cracked pepper. Didn’t swing round and ask how it was going. Nothing. It wasn’t like we were in a full restaurant. Three tables. Yes three.

The food was a whole other level of average. I ordered the Merenda + Scrambled Eggs and a Chai latte (I am nothing if not predictable with those scrambled eggs). Merenda is pan fried mushrooms with grilled tomato + some bacon and toast. I really wanted some scrambled eggs so ordered them on the side.  The mushrooms were so salty they were almost inedible. The tomato wasn’t grilled, it was pan fried. The bacon was pan fried and swimming in grease – so much that it went under the rest of the food. The eggs were just woeful. They “looked” good, but the taste was disappointing. They were greasy (even at the top so not just from the bacon) and tasted fake. One friend order the muesli but said Campos was much better. Another friend had the pancake stack and said it was nice but nothing special. Their thoughts on the coffee was “nothing special.”

Conveniently located at Merthyr Village
Has a deli section.

Terrible service.
Average coffee and chai.
Badly prepared food.

I will continue to wonder why all these ppl go to this cafe and I have no idea what they see in the place.

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New Farm Deli and Cafe on Urbanspoon
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