Review – The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey (2012)
Maybe if we eat throughout we can stay awake
To say I was excited about The Hobbit would be a complete understatement. I followed all the pre-release info with bated breath. Imagine my disappointment to not being able to go and see it the instant it opened? (I was involved in a car vs cyclist incident) So I waited and waited. Avoided reviews, opinions and stayed true. I finally saw it in late January shortly before heading back to hospital for surgery. Urgh.
Synopsis:
Nothing happens.
Positives:
Was nice to see the familiar locations and style.
So many of the cast were actors I have enjoyed for years.
Negatives:
Does Jackson need a new island or something? Cuase there is NO reason to drag this out so badly.
The writing was so untidy. Yes The Lord of the Rings was long but it moved. The Hobbit was a rollicking fast adventure story, not a long drawn out battle with Hobbit Cancer.
Was absolutely unwatchable to someone who had a shorter attention span (due to injuries).
Filled with tosh - and not the good Tosh.0 either.
I gave up after about 50 mins or so - when Bilbo was about to go snatched by the Trolls.
Nothing happened. I remember a funny piece by The Onion about how the movie was 50 mins of Bilbo deciding what to pack. Yeah, that.
If I ever break my leg again and am high on pain killers I might give it another go, but for now, I'll just wait for the third movie, then wait for it to come to TV, then possibly go out that night.
#OnePanda (but only because I loved LOTR so much).
Torchwood: Miracle Day – Season 4 Review
Look at us looking all serious like.
Synopsis:
It has been a year since Torchwood saved the world’s children and Jack is back. All the good characters are still dead, and since this season takes place a fair bit in America, it is clogged with plastic, unrealistic and unlikable characters. Anyway, a miracle happens and no one can die - except Jack. The Torchwood team must stay alive (Jack anyway) reform and hang out with annoying Americans to save the world from over population and self regulation. Sorry did you fall asleep? Yeah, I know.
Pluses:
Umm.
Couple of little eggs re past episodes and Doctor Who.
Minuses:
OMG the new characters - horrendous!
Such overblown writing - this 10 episode “arc” would have barely covered three tightly written episodes.
Filled with inconsistencies and major plot contradictions (The Jack effect is the biggest one).
A pedophile to be edgy? Gay sex to be edgy? None of it drove the story or added any weight.
Broke against the whole premise of what Torchwood is about - Queen Victoria would be rolling in her werewolf grave!
Yawn fest.
Women were not favourably portrayed at all, not even Gwen this time.
Can I say how much more I disliked it?
I stuck with TMD because I had faith that somehow RTD would dig TMD out of its poo filled grave. It didn’t. The final scene was even worse - I was desperately hoping that a character would just sod off and die from week 1, let alone that person being tied to Torchwood now for possible future episodes.
#onedisappointedpandawhowantsthatthenhoursofherlifeback
Review – Stargate Universe – Hope (S02Ep14)
Check it out! I found the Ancient Porn Database...
This week:
The most boring character in the show gets taken over by less boring characters. The geeks get their romance on. We discover what happened to Rush in Two Destinies, and TJ performs major surgery.
Pluses:
We got to see some Gin.
At least Volker got some lines and screen time - pity the arc sucked.
Minuses:
Please state the nature of the medical emergency.
Young, worst leader ever or worst leader ever.
Telford.
Scott given the worst lines, well below his talent.
Way too much Chloe.
A very poor take on a Stargate classic story.
I just wanted this episode to end. The surgery aspect was just laughable. Yet more evidence why this show was, rightly, cancelled.
#onepossessedpanda
Review – Stargate Universe – Alliances (S02Ep13)
No matter how many times I almost die (and even when I do), you can't kill me!
This week:
Greer and Camille head back to Earth while a Senator and a scientist board Destiny. Earth comes under attack. Yes it was as exciting as that sounded.
Pluses:
Finally some Greer development but we barely touched the surface.
Always fun to have French Stewart on my screen.
Even cooler when you remember French Stewart was in the original Stargate movie.
Varro finally got some lines and screen time.
Minuses:
Oh dear god this was such a pointless episode,
Filler.
The sets were terrible.
Looked like it had a budget of $350.
Telford.
Dull story.
I thought it was going to be some Lucian Alliance onboard Destiny thing - how wrong was I?
This is why this show was cancelled. It was a long way South of average, but still better than Cloverdale.
#onepandawhoreallyshouldntexpectmore
Review – Eclipse (2010)
So, if their clothes shred when they change, how is it they are still wearing shorts when they change back? Also, that makeup line is a bit noticeable.
Synopsis:
Edward is back and he and Bella are so on. She wants to be vamped, he doesn't. He also doesn't believe in sex before marriage. There is trouble in Seattle. Red Head is around making trouble. Jacob loves Bella. Bella loves Jacob but loves Edward more. Only Bella can sort out the secret of Seattle. (I can't believe I just wrote that paragraph)
Pluses:
It wasn't as bad as New Moon.
Edward was in sunlight a fair bit, which means I got a chance to say "Sparkles, the Gay Vampire" quite a few times.
Minuses:
The sub-plots didn't even try to be about anything other than "Bella's Choice."
The whole love triangle BS.
Not enough school friends.
What a waste of Peter Fancinni (remember him in season one of Damages?)
Atrocious dialogue.
So slow.
Lighting was over or under done.
I only watched this because it was a) free, and b) I had already invested four hours in the previous movies, so felt I should continue this punishment. It certainly wasn't the worst main stream film I saw last year but it was a long way from being enjoyable.
#onevampypandas
Review – The Cape – Dice (S01Ep05)
Even though the enemy of my enemy is my friend, you are my enemy.
This week:
ARK prepares to release a computer than can predict the future (correctly). Dark moments of the past come back to haunt Flemming. The Cape finds himself on protective detail. Orwell does her techy thing. The Cape saves the day. Chess comes out to play.
Pluses:
The Flemming character is further developed.
Flemming and his psychologist.
Minuses:
We have seen the math on screen thing before.
Guest star not that strong.
Orwell annoyingly intrusive and stupid.
The plot of this episode.
Really what the hell is with the ridiculous contact lenses.
This episode really could have been something. Again it had all the components, but they didn’t gel. The Cape character is really such a disappointment. Flemming is a great villain, and doesn’t need to be Chess - that is merely a distraction. Flemming is a Luthor type villain, why turn him into something cheesy?
Interestingly, the publicity shots for this episode listed it as number three.
#onepandawaitingforcancellationohwaititisalreadyuponus
Review – The Cape – Scales on a Train (S01Ep04)
How can this NOT be funny? No idea, but it was unfunnier than me after no sleep.
This week:
Vince decides to play Scales and get him to reveal that Flemming is Chess in public. The Carnival of Crime decides to get their thieving on. Orwell’s big twist is reveals (did anyone not see it coming?). Things don’t go as planned.
Pluses:
Richard Schiff again.
The Cape and The Cape.
Peter Flemming as a “White Hat.”
Minuses:
There were so many opportunities for really funny moments! I sat there waiting for it, but they never came.
The Orwell reveal - yawn.
Chess and The Cape buddy cops saving the day.
Schiff underused again.
I saw the prelim photos a week or so before I saw the episode, and was really looking forward to it - as I assumed it was going to be a rollicking adventure with laugh after laugh. Richard Schiff has such amazing timing, yet he had nowhere to go with such bland writing.
I am a week and a bit behind in my reviews - but it was annouced today that the order for The Cape has been slashed. So it doesn’t matter if I put it on notice, it is already dead.
#onedisappointedpanda
Review – The Cape – Kozmo (S01Ep03)
Actually, it is part of my contract that I have to show how bendy I am in every show. You will see me get bendy and kick butt soon. You can call me The Curtain!
This week:
The previous owner of The Cape’s Cape wants it back. We find out about Max. Oh mysterious, hot blogger with unsuspected family history (if unsuspected means “dead obvious from the first few moments we meet her") you get bendy. Vince’s wife thinks she can prove his innocence. ARK gets all sneaky. Chess doesn’t get dressed up. Good triumphs over evil.
Pluses:
At least we got to see some Rolo again.
Minuses:
Oh the Cape feeds of the darkness in men’s souls - OH NOES!
Orwell on the back of a mini bike - seriously who rides like that.
Such obvious plot twists and turns I felt almost offended by how dumb the show thought I must be.
The Cape is officially on notice. Only two more eps and I can be free of it I think. It still has no clue what kind of show it is. The plots is painful, the dialogue worse. I guess actors have to pay their mortgage somehow. This is a train wreck of epic proportions and I think it is wrong to watch a show for schadenfreude. I do hope it gets its act together as there are brief moments of potential, very brief moments.
#onenoncapewearingpanda
Review – Pretty Little Liars – Salt Meets Wound (S01Ep12)
I wanted carbs but instead find mum's whoring money.
This week:
Hanna is out of the hospital. Hanna discovers her mother is a bank robber. Mona throws a party. Ezra gets blackmailed by Noel. Aria continues to be stupid. Maya meets Emily's family. -A. finds the $$$.
Pluses:
Ezra finally waking up and smelling the coffee (I still want him gone though).
Emily's dad.
Minuses:
How Emily's mum deals with her daughter's sexuality.
The amount of lying that goes on in this show.
Mum's a criminal? Ok - moving on.
Hanna's mother's explanation.
Why would you hide thousands of dollars in lasagne? Surely they have a house safe.
This was a terrible episode on every level. It is the same old same old every week. -A. sees something. -A. impacts their lives and the girls thinks everyone is -A. #yawn What is happening with Aria's parents? Hasn't her dad noticed her staying out late all the time?
#oneovermadeuppanda
The Event – Premier Episode
We all take oursevles very seriously
